Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Parking Lot Moment

As we were leaving Target, I felt myself grasping for control of myself.
Control of
my voice
my tone
my eyes
my breath
the look on my face
of the tears threating to break loose.
The last two weeks of mothering my two charges
has been physically and emotionally difficult
and I was going to lose it in the Target parking garage.
I was pushing the red cart
filled with our bags and my littlest charge,
who was sort of screaming.
I had a vice like grip on my eldest charge,
who had just prior dashed out of an elevator
and ran straight towards and escalator,
stopping just short of the moving steps.
Two weeks of hard mothering bearing down on me,
right there in the Target parking lot.
Heaping piles of brothers
runny nose
rule breaking
unkind words
and so on and on and on and on
were bearing down on me.
And then I gave it all up.
I surrender it all over.
I am not perfect.
My charges are not perfect.
But He loves me anyway.
He gave His only son for me.
His son for my transgressions.
By God’s grace, I can most certainly rejoice,
not endure, the trials of mothering young children.
we went to Baja Fresh for
a surprisingly pleasant lunch.
On the way home my eldest charge declared,
“I’m going to obey you now. I have love in my heart now.”
I smiled.
Together we praised God for answering our prayer to soften his heart.
Then we got home.
I think he meant ‘obey’ only while in his car seat.
And so the encouragement to
use words as a blessing
strength for good works and kindness
to honor
to obey
to bear with one another in love continued.
And so it goes.
But tonight I am grateful for mothering,
especially during the early years.

Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old he will not depart from it. Proverbs 22:6


rachelredington said...

Sweet Camille, your thoughts are always so lovely. Your writing so beautiful. And your heart is the loveliest, most beautiful of all. I'm pretty I have a breakdown at Target about every time I go there - they should serve tequila shots to all the mommies.

jenni pappas said...

Hang in there, Mama! xoxo